The topic of mental health and mental health conditions is a discussion many people avoid. The stigma surrounding mental health contributes significantly to its neglect, even though having a mental health condition is quite common. One in five adults in the US lives with a mental health condition, and symptoms can begin to show at a young age, making mental health an incredibly important topic to discuss and learn about. Mental health conditions are medical conditions just like any physical condition. There is no reason to be ashamed of having a mental health condition, but unfortunately, the stigma and discrimination we experience and witness others face have scared us into not sharing our stories. This has led to feelings of isolation, inadequate care, and a slowdown in mental health research.
More and more people are realizing the importance of sharing personal stories to raise awareness, educate others, and aid in research. Mental health conditions can be difficult to detect, and we all have different experiences with our mental health conditions despite sharing many of the same symptoms.
I broke away from the fear of the stigma a few years ago and started sharing my story. Sharing our stories is difficult, but so is watching people suffer after we've achieved recovery. Every story shared can bring hope and healing to another individual and can change their life from barely surviving to finally living.
I've struggled with my mental health for years. I remember feeling empty inside and experiencing passive suicidal ideation, thoughts of wanting to be dead but not making any plans to end my life, as early as high school. I wasn't aware at the time that I was experiencing this, and mental health wasn't discussed in the 90s, so I had no idea that it wasn't typical.
In 2011, I was diagnosed with depression after finally opening up to my doctor when the feelings of emptiness and hopelessness had become too heavy and intense, and the suicidal ideation was no longer passive. The pain of the depression never seemed to completely lessen, no matter the dosage of different medications I was prescribed over the years. I learned to mask how I was really doing. I didn't want to talk about my depression and wanted to ignore it instead, the best I could. Some people are very uncomfortable talking about mental health and can be very judgmental. The stigma taught me well, as it has with many people, that it isn't always safe to talk about your mental health.
Around 2020, my husband started telling me something was wrong, and I wasn't myself. I just shrugged it off. I didn't notice a difference and figured I wasn't hiding how I felt as well as I always had. By the beginning of 2022, I knew he was right, and something had shifted. My bouts of depression were getting worse and more frequent, and I was experiencing much stronger suicidal ideation. I was also having very intense angry outbursts and started noticing times my behavior and thoughts didn't align with who I am or how I really thought or felt. Sometimes I was aware during the angry outbursts that I was out of line and saying things I didn't actually think or feel, but couldn't stop myself; other times I didn't recognize how volatile the episodes were until I was told after I came out of them.
I talked to my doctor, who made changes to my treatment plan a few different times, but the changes didn't help. By the time I went in, it was too late. I went into psychosis, which is a break from reality where you can't distinguish between what is real and what is not, in May of 2022. I didn't know at the time I had gone into psychosis, however, and wouldn't find out for another six months. I had a few evaluations in May of 2022, and the results didn't make sense, but I was told to accept them and believe them. I did what I was told to do and say because there wasn't anything else I could do after those results.
I fell into the deepest, darkest depression I had ever experienced after the psychosis. I came very close to taking my own life the summer of 2022 but held on and finally, in the fall, met someone with extensive knowledge in mental health. She recognized right away there was more going on than what I had been told and helped me get in quickly to see my current psychiatric provider so I wouldn't be sitting on a wait list to see a psychiatrist.
In November of 2022, I had my first appointment with my psychiatric provider, and after a two-hour evaluation, I finally started getting the right answers. My depression diagnosis in 2011 was inaccurate. My diagnosis is actually bipolar 1 disorder, a mental health condition categorized as a mood disorder fluctuating between high-energy episodes referred to as mania and low-energy periods of depression, and my psychiatric provider is the one who recognized I had gone into psychosis in May of 2022. Unfortunately, bipolar disorder is commonly misdiagnosed as depression because of the similarities, and bipolar disorder looks different in each of us, making it difficult to diagnose.
Over the next few months, several mental health professionals explored my past, focusing on the abuse I experienced from a parent during my upbringing, as well as the two-year period my husband identified as a significant turning point. They also examined my phone, looking through text messages and messages on Facebook Messenger to identify what had changed during those two years. It didn't take long for them to uncover the factors that significantly worsened my bipolar disorder and contributed to the events leading to my psychosis.
I had a great team of mental health professionals who helped me get into recovery and reach full stability after the effects of the psychosis and years of untreated bipolar disorder. I haven't gone into full mania or depression since 2022. They guided me into understanding how bipolar disorder works for me and what I needed to do to keep it under control. During that time, we had our youngest son, which added extra caution due to worries that the hormone changes could disrupt my progress and that a medication I was on could cause complications. Everything went smoothly, fortunately, and he is very healthy, and I never lost stability. Some people with bipolar disorder worry they shouldn't have children because of a possibility of losing their stability during pregnancy and/or after. Our youngest has brought a lot of hope to other people with bipolar disorder who already know my story.
In the spring of 2024, I looked for local mental health resources from NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) but couldn't find any for Monroe County. I reached out to the state office and learned the previous affiliate was no longer active, so a group of us came together to
start a new one. As we were getting started, we learned there was interest in Juneau County starting a new affiliate as well, so we teamed together to cover both counties. The process of starting NAMI Monroe-Juneau County took us a year and a half, and NAMI National approved us in March.
Originally based in Madison, but now nationwide, NAMI is the largest grassroots mental health organization providing advocacy, education, support, and public awareness. NAMI is dedicated to improving the lives of those affected by mental health conditions as well as eliminating the stigma and discrimination people face. We aren't meant to go through the journey of having a mental health condition alone, and NAMI provides a safe community we all need for support.
My story is not unusual. We all face roadblocks when trying to get the medical care we need, and many of us face stigma and discrimination in some way. We also have to be careful because the behaviors we do exhibit during episodes can lead to us being blamed for things we didn't do. Those working with NAMI strive to better the mental health system for us so we can get the support and medical care we deserve.
An official press release with more information about NAMI Monroe-Juneau County will be available soon.
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